When you are in a healthy and loving relationship with someone everything seems perfect.Having someone there that you can confide in, and share special memories with, makes you feel like you’re on cloud nine.But as this fantasy grows you notice a nagging voice in your head asking Where did I put that person I was, when I fell in love?, Where is that “Me”? And how did I get lost in the “We” that you and I have become? It is very common in relationships to get lost in something larger than yourself — to submerge your former identity beneath this new persona as part of a couple.
There is nothing wrong in putting your all in a relationship. Yes, in a relationship you need to adjust and sometimes let go of what you want for what your partner wants but not at all times. To think of it, by doing so you are losing the very person, your partner fell in love with.So how do you find the balance between giving your best to your relationship and holding onto yourself in the process? How to be part of a We without losing Me.
Some points to keep in mind.
- Awareness of your own self -Well first off, Awareness is important.You should have a strong grip of who you are. You should be well versed of your own personality- decipher what is it that you really want,if you are clueless about what you want then it is far more easy to lose yourself in a relationship.
- Maintain your interests -When two people fall in love, they experience themselves and each other as separate individuals with distinct identities. Their individuality makes them interesting to each other. So maintain interests that were important to you before becoming involved in your relationship.Just don’t stop doing things you like because your partner doesn’t like them.It’s important to support each other’s interests, especially when they aren’t shared.
- Maintain your friendships – Keep up friendships that were important to you when you were single.Don’t lose your friends over a relationship. It’s great when your partner and your friends like one another, but that doesn’t mean you stop meeting them without him/her.Spend time with your friends sans your partner.
- Voice your needs – While committing to someone is a great thing, giving up your needs and feelings up for that person isn’t. Don’t compromise or undermine your own desires just because you want to give the other person everything they want or you’re scared that you’ll lose them if you need something different. Sometimes your need can be different from your partner’s so speak up for yourself.
- Don’t be over dependent – Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re off the hook when it comes to taking care of yourself and your own feelings. It’s easy to look to your partner to shelter you from the world , but continue to fight your own battles.Don’t be overly dependent on your partner for everything.
- Give each other some space – If you’re in constant contact with your partner throughout the day, what are you going to talk about when you actually see each other?Also, you can’t live your own life if you’re always talking to someone else.So give each other some break and space.
Never make a relationship let you become someone you are not, because the truth is, if it’s over, they may never regret losing you, but you’ll always regret losing yourself. Be true to yourself, and if that person loves you for who you really are, then you will have a good relationship.In an ideal relationship, your lives will gradually blend together, but they will never overlap completely.